Princess Fix IT: The Red Cape: Revisited

With the recent surge of "How do I get a red cape," and "What's up with the red cape," questions I have been receiving, I thought I would revisit an old entry to clarify the ways of the Friendly Programmer man.

You know who you are...The Friendly Programmer. I tell you my remotely funny user stories, you teach me a little something technical, perhaps the occasional lunch and then you bring forth The Challenge. The fucking Challenge. For those of you who have not had one of these experiences with me, it usually goes something like this:

The Friendly Programmer: "Ya know Princess, I know the XML file that contains the software audit information for my machine. I can totally hack into it and do blah blah blah..."
Translation that occurs in my head: "Ya know Princess, blah diddy blah blah blah diggity, I don't realize you're running two different kinds of software audit programs and one of them I have no clue how to hack into or even how you do it. I am Captain Super Smart Programmer Boy, so do you know where I can get a nifty red cape?"

And then...

The Friendly Programmer: "Ya know Princess, this managed anti virus rollout is really unnecessary on a Programmer's machine. It really fucks with my build time. Why can't we be exempt from this? I can totally hack into it and do blah blah blah..."
Translation that occurs in my head: "Ya know Princess, blah diddy blah blah blah diggity, it's those Artist types that bring viruses into the network. Sure the last few virus outbreaks have come from Programmers, but that's just a fluke. Our build times take an excruciating amount of time anyway because some of our fellow Programmers can't code worth a shit. I am Captain Super Smart Programmer Boy, so do you know where I can get a nifty red cape?"

And...

The Friendly Programmer: "Ya know Princess, Policies A, B and C don't make any sense. It's wasting my time and yours. I am Captain Super Smart Programmer Boy, so do you know where I can get a nifty red cape?"
Translation that occurs in my head: "Ya know Princess, Policies A, B and C don't make any sense. It's wasting my time and yours. I wonder what he'd look like in a nifty red cape?"

Comments

A hangover does not excuse reposts. Write something original! The masses are hungering!

Posted by: groby | September 13, 2003 6:20 PM

I'll have you know I do not have a hangover, thank you very much. My time honored tradition of preventing such annoyances, held true once again for me.

As far as the repost goes...people kept asking about it that hadn't seen the original post, so I figured, why not repost? Plus, it was easy. So there! :)

Posted by: Princess | September 13, 2003 6:45 PM

I wouldn't mind if you shared your time-honored anti-hangover medication. I've got a head that just so surpasses Jupiter in size, and the gravitational distortion sure makes my room wobble a lot.

Posted by: groby | September 13, 2003 9:08 PM

A true story:

A long time ago in a galaxy real damn close, a bunch of really Smart People figured out that machines could do simple calculations.

Later, some other Smart People figured out how to make machines that did simple calculations really damn fast.

After that, some Clever People figured out that the machines could be made cheaply enough to sell to nearly everyone.

Problem was, these machines were getting pretty complex. Things got more complex once some other Smart People figured out how to connect all the machines across the world.

Things got so complex that people needed other people just to deal with the machines. Many people were needed to keep the machines running, and because it could be hard to keep them running and not just anyone could do it, the jobs paid pretty well.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Morale: Think of what you'd be doing without all the red cape wearing folk for the past 50 years, and have patience with the current generation of red capes' eccentricities -- we create the IT jobs of the future.

Posted by: vince | September 13, 2003 10:16 PM

My time honored tradition? 2 Aspirin and a large glass of water before bed. It's fairly simple. I haven't been hung over since college.

vince, I'm just curious if you are consistently this uptight and I've just missed it in all the time I've spent with you or if you just like to bust my balls. Either way, allow me to clarify...It's a fucking parody for Christ's sake! Save your uppity 'God Praise The All Powerful Programmer' speech for when I truly attack you. :)

Posted by: Princess | September 14, 2003 12:18 AM

amen, sista. why he gotta try and get the last word?

if you ask me, it just confirms the "programmer boy red cape" entry.

check-mate.

Posted by: jojo | September 14, 2003 3:31 AM

See, that's just envy from the non-cape people. In the interest of fairness, I'm offering up the position of "trusty sidekick" for IT. You get to touch the cape from time to time and can save the show when the cape-wearers are out of town.

There, feel better now?

- Robert

Posted by: groby | September 14, 2003 9:35 AM

really, who wears a red cape nowadays?!?

c'mon!

Posted by: jojo | September 14, 2003 11:15 AM

You KNOW Robert has one in his closet! You just know he does!

Trusty sidekick indeed! I got your trusty sidekick right here, buddy boy! :)

What do I need with a cape when I have a crown?

Posted by: Princess | September 14, 2003 11:25 AM

Actually, the only cape I have is black. But it has red lining. Does that count? (Worst pun ever!)

Posted by: groby | September 14, 2003 3:11 PM